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If we are what we eat, and what we eat is killing us, does that mean we’re all zombies?

March 17, 2011

If we had 'em, we wouldn't eat crap

If you think about what’s in the packaged food you eat, you would never eat a Twinkie again.

An extreme example, you say? I never eat Twinkies, I hear you muttering, all judgemental; they’re disgusting. Okay, fine. How about a box of macaroni and cheese? Or Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat? The list of ingredients for Long Grain and Wild Rice-a-Roni was stolen from their website. I’m going to put the evil, or otherwise questionable words, in bold:

PARBOILED LONG GRAIN RICE, WILD RICE, ONIONS*, HYDROLYZED SOY PROTEIN, MONOSODIUM GLUTAMATE, MALTODEXTRIN, SALT, AUTOLYZED YEAST EXTRACT*, SUGAR, PARSLEY*, GARLIC*, HYDROLYZED CORN GLUTEN, CARAMEL COLOR, SPICES, HYDROLYZED TORULA AND BREWERS YEASTS, HYDROLYZED WHEAT GLUTEN, NIACIN, FERRIC ORTHOPHOSPHATE, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, FOLIC ACID.
*DRIED. CONTAINS WHEAT AND SOY INGREDIENTS.

Okay, so, we have a boxed good, easy to keep on your shelf for at least a month (presumably because that’s how long it will take you to find something to serve long grain and wild rice with). A box of this stuff will probably keep much longer, and that right there is a warning sign that it’s already bad for you.

Before I go on to talk about why you should never eat something that keeps this long without refrigeration, though, I want to define my terms and ask some gentle, but probing questions. You might find this process upsetting, and if so, I understand. This is typical American food we’re talking about here, and you have a god-given right to eat this crap if you want to. Let it never be said that I deprived a full-blooded American of their inalienable right to be duped by the FDA into thinking food-from-a-shelf is healthy. You believe whatever you want. That’s your right.

First of all, why does rice need to be parboiled and then put into a box? If you parboil rice, don’t you want to eat it right away? That worries me. Parboiling doesn’t just imply cooking, it says, this stuff is done. Time to eat. Boxing it up implies taking perfectly good food, laying it out to dry, scooping it up, and putting it into a cardboard box. There’s something wrong with this picture.

Secondly, notice how often the word ‘hydrolyzed’ comes up. Now, this is a big giveaway that the stuff you’re about to shove into your mouth with your Sunday roast chicken is going to kill you, sooner rather than later. Nothing needs to be hydrolyzed unless it’s going to be sitting on a shelf for a long, long time. You might not know how a hydrolyzed protein becomes hydrolyzed in the first place. Well, let me enlighten you. It is chemically altered. Look what they do to this innocent legume:

Acid-hydrolyzed vegetable protein, or HVP,is produced by boiling cereals or legumes, such as soy, corn, or wheat, in hydrochloric acid and then neutralizing the solution with sodium hydroxide.

So you’re eating a cereal product that has been pre-boiled in hydrochloric acid, then bathed in sodium hydroxide (lye and caustic soda), and then dried out. Yum yum. Boy, does that sound appealing.

What happens to autolyzed yeast is almost, but not quite, as gruesome.  Autolyzed yeast contains cells that are allowed to die and break up, so that the yeasts’ endogenous digestive enzymes break their proteins down into simpler compounds (amino acids and peptides). So once again, perfectly good food is being killed or chemically altered before it ever reaches your body. I sense a theme.

Ferric orthophosphate, interestingly, is also known as ‘snail bait.’ It’s a phosphate (or salt) with an iron compound, added to food, presumably for flavor and to add some iron to your diet. It is also an acceptable organic pesticide. It’s banned in the European Union, just FYI, where, by the way, they seem to live a lot longer than we do, for those who are obsessed with longevity.

Monosodium glutamate is a kind of salt. However, you’re receiving salt from the hydrolyzed wheat, since once you hydrolyze it, you end up with a kind of MSG; you’re also receiving salt from the ferric snail bait/pesticide and the thiamin mononitrate, a form of B vitamin.

Then this stuff is colored with food dye, caramel colored, to be precise. Now, caramel coloring, found in almost everything, sounds much more innocent than it is. To achieve this color, acids, alkalis and salts are added to sugar, and heated up. This recipe keeps sounding more and more like something Morticia Addams would concoct. If anyone ever says “you failed chemistry, but you sure can cook,” just show them the ingredients for Rice-a-Roni. You know plenty about chemistry if you’re cooking up this stuff, let me tell you.

So now you’ve got parboiled acidified rice, salts, snail repellent, and chemically-altered yeast floating around your intestines. Your body, starved of any nutritional value you might have given it by doing it the courtesy of buying a bag of brown rice and learning how to boil water, is confused.

Your body doesn’t know what to do with this toxic waste with a half-life longer than the years left to you, so Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat is now sitting in your alimentary canal. It’s been sitting there since the dinner you had with Aunt Cindi in 1978. It has nowhere else to go; it has become part of you.

The point is, this is not real food, so you cannot digest it. Our cells are now made up of these long-lasting toxins, which have more in common with the stuff they pump through cadavers than you’d like. Formaldehyde, the chief preservative used during the embalming process, is in soft drinks, because it’s what forms when you mix benzyl alcohol, a preservative acceptable in foods, with citrus and carbonation.

Face it: you’re already a zombie.


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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Recipe Chefs permalink
    March 17, 2011 7:06 PM

    Great post thanks for sharing. I really enjoy reading your blog very much. Feel free to check out our recipes.

    Recipe Chefs –

    http://recipechefs.wordpress.com

    • March 17, 2011 7:07 PM

      Thank you. I’m sure you include actual ingredients, rather than hydrolyzed stuff, right? 😉

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