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Pain relief and my relationship with God

February 4, 2011

Those were the days, my friend

I have a brace on my leg for the time being, since I am disintegrating, and my knee feels weak.

I went to the doctor the other day, a nice younger woman who is not, technically, a doctor; she’s a “doctor’s assistant,” which I suspect means she’s smarter than a nurse, and less qualified to judge your complaint than a real doctor. I got x-rays, which revealed almost nothing.

My pseudo-doctor’s lack of qualifications made me take her injunction to get an MRI with a large grain of salt, and so I decided to heal my wounded knee more conservatively, which, as you know, means rest, ice, compression, and elevation: RICE, in other words.

So this week, I am at the compression stage, and bought a compression brace. It’s the ugliest damned thing, but compression makes my poor disintegrating knee feel somewhat better, and I have avoided (for the moment) the price of the MRI, an expensive proposition that leads to another dreadful possibility, arthroscopy, which I can either beat by staying off my knee, or ignore for a really long time until surgery becomes absolutely necessary. The other thing that’s helping a lot right now is the little bottle of white pills the faux doctor prescribed, and for that, I am grateful. Apparently, you can still get codeine, so there is a God.

Over time, I have become a connoisseur of fine pain relief. I was regaling the doctorette and her assistant, both serious women, with humorous stories about my pain and pain killers I have taken, and they both kept making that clucking noise, and saying “oh, I’m so sorry,” when I was hoping they’d laugh. Then we went through the list of pain relief I’d tried, and learned to reject as insufficient to my needs, when the almost-sort of-doctor hit on some acetamenophen/codeine combination that works really well, which is all you really care about when you’re in pain.

I figure pain relief is a substitute for a relationship with God, since if our relationship was better, maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation.

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